This Side of Materialistic Heaven
by Simply Kim
Summary: (CHAPTER 2 FINALLY UP!) Tatsumi definitely feels resentment for Muraki... but, when we think about it... is the reason really Tsuzuki?
1. Imperfect Lunacy

TITLE:  This Side of Materialistic Heaven 

CHAPTER: **00**

GENRE: **Yaoi (Angst)**

DISCLAIMERS: **The series I'm referring to does not belong to me… ^_^ only the weird story does.**

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This Side of Materialistic Heaven 

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PART 00: Imperfect Lunacy 

                                                                    * * *             

_I never thought it would come to this_.

            He stood by the window, looking out, surveying the state of his new charge through the clear glass windows of the infirmary. Azure irises travelled appraisingly at his former partner, and deciding that the young man was not about to collapse anytime soon, he sighed and turned almost reluctantly away, his gaze settling on the inanimate bed whose sheets were rumpled beyond repair. 

            _Now I know that I'm not of any importance. He thought almost mournfully. I have never been of importance._ His memories threatened to make him mad. He remembered begging, indirectly of course, for just a little affection. He had been rebuked... and his psyche shattered... just like it shattered the moment the recent problem of Ju-ou-cho ended. 

He found his gaze straying back to the brown-haired youth having such an intimate discussion with the youngest Shinigami... the blonde sprite who waltzed in a short time ago... with bottomless pools of green as eyes... who, without a doubt having the time of his life at the small comfort he was rewarded with when a slender arm snaked familiarly around his shoulders.

It hurt seeing such display of open affection. 

It made him feel less welcome, even with his distance between the two of them. 

I have never been important... I should have known... he's not the type to keep his promises anyway... How blind I was... how blind I am still!

Without warning, a hand, obviously meant to comfort, descended on his shoulder, stunning him to the point of crying out. Of course he didn't, but it was enough to jar him, electricity running through his veins at the unexpected contact. He whirled around, and his nerves finally went back to their former peace when the familiar features of his closest co-worker greeted his wary gaze.

"Something's bothering you." Watari Yutaka, Scientist extraordinaire, intoned, honey-glazed eyes peering seemingly into the depths of his soul. 

It took him quite a while to notice that the blonde lacked two things – the thin-rimmed eyeglasses and the ever-present smile. It was quite an unpleasant surprise, and he did not like it one bit... but he tried to keep an indiscriminating front. He just hoped it wouldn't show... or he might wound the only one he had ever confided in his entire existence. He tried his best to crack his usual smile, however detached it had always seemed, just to prove the other's words wrong.

And he failed, raising suspicion that indeed, he was bothered.

Watari's gaze wandered to the youthful figures outside, snuggling under the Sakura trees, and understanding occurred instantaneously. After all, he wasn't labelled a genius for nothing. He turned back to his friend, a light-coloured eyebrow lifted in question. "Is it he that's bothering you so much... again?"

Blue eyes clouded even more with pain. 

"Honestly." The scientist sighed, shaking his head in disappointment, resembling that of a displeased mother. "You're bothered by his way of captivating people, is that it?" He mused unhappily, stalking over to where the abandoned bed remained immobile and plopped wearily on the soft mattress, rumpling the sheets more. "You're bothered that he likes other people better than you."

He couldn't do anything but nod in supplication. He was not a good liar anyway, so why bother covering up now? Still silent, he turned away from his friend, eyes searching for his former partner – Tsuzuki, watching intently the, what he presumed to be, mock bickering outside. "Watari-san..."

Watari started at the raw desperation entwined with the familiar hushed tones. "Yes?" He asked, his eyes widening in shock at the defeated spirit before him, coming close to popping out of their sockets as his friend banged his head almost violently on the infirmary windows before leaning against it, shoulders heaving with much depression, a choked sob issuing out from the normally controlled frame. Instinctively, Watari stepped forward, reacting more on the other's severe shaking rather than on the next words he could not even learn to decipher. 

"I... I am the wind... and the mountain is rejoicing upon my death..."

He wrapped his arms around the trembling form and closed his eyes, pressing his slightly damp cheeks on the broad back, tightening his hold inch by inch as the sobs intensified, consuming the once-proud form. "Please... don't be like this..." He pleaded, wishing that he could take away his friend's pain.

Watari's eyes snapped open at a particularly loud cry that echoed inside the room, remembering... and then wishing that he could pummel someone in revenge for what the other was going through... revenge for the one who created the man quivering uncontrollably in his arms... a lump of living misery.

"Tatsumi... please... stop crying..."

* * *

            "Yes."

            Oriya did not have the faintest idea on what to do with the man sitting, defeated, across him. It was quite calming, the way the other seemed to lose all hope, seeming so vulnerable... and yet, it did not comfort him even a little bit. In fact, the way it calmed his nerves, the geisha house owner was sure that the wheels inside that devious head was once again turning... making him aware that somehow, he would bounce back... literally fighting.

            He wondered who the next victim would be.

            "Why are you going to leave? I don't understand... you can stay here for a while and try to earn money from an honest living... I mean, yeah, you do make money out of curing sick people, but... now that you don't have anything major to finance, you can just cut back, relax, and buy whatever your body craves for!" He pressed almost animatedly, his pipe stuck in his fingers, reminding him that if he did not take a puff soon, his fingers would be scorched from the heat of the burning tobacco. With flourish, he put down the wooden casing of his addiction and turned towards his friend expectantly.

            He was quite relieved with the way the platinum-haired menace smiled so serenely. "I can do that, Oriya... but you see... I can't."

            Dark brows furrowed. "And why not? Saki's perverted head isn't around anymore!" He argued, ignoring the sudden stiffening from the other's bruise-ridden frame. "Muraki, stop being bull-headed for the love of God!"

            "I have an unfinished business to take care of." Came the quiet response. Muraki stared, reminiscing over what had happened not long ago. 

            "Unfinished business? With your little boyfriend?" Oriya snorted, tying his hair into a neat bun behind his head. "Or with the other one?"

            Muraki's visible eye quirked as if in pain. 

            "I have to apologise."

            Oriya, for the life of him couldn't believe what he was hearing. _Oh, wow, the world must be ending!_ He thought, his chocolate eyes widening in surprise. Then, he frowned as a single thought plagued his mind. Snorting almost disdainfully, he stared pointedly at his best friend. "Apologise? You? I wonder, is that apology really from the heart, or are you just planning on playing until you have lover-boy wrapped around your proverbial pinkie?"

            Muraki just laughed, irritating him all the more. "You think so highly of me... I'm touched."

            He sighed, shaking his head. "Face it Muraki, if your intentions are really pure... you can never get him unless you make him feel that you..."

            "Love them? That's easy, just a bouquet of roses and lots of TLC would do." Muraki cut him off, taking a sip of his ceremonial tea, grimacing at the taste that was not quite unpleasant but one that he did not learn to like. 

            _How stupid could this guy get? _Oriya sighed inwardly, mentally slapping the lights out of the devilish doctor. "Needed. You have to make them feel that you need him."  

            "I already did, remember?"

            "No you didn't... you've betrayed him the worst way possible."

            Muraki frowned. "I don't understand, Oriya... I made him feel needed... I chased enough times already!"

            "That's because you needed something from him you dumb oaf!"

            "It's true, but I really made him feel needed! I treated Tsuzuki-san as a prospective lover – well, at least when I wasn't thinking of chopping off his head and planting Saki's on the detached body..."

            Oriya growled, rolling his eyes for real. _He really is stupid._ He thought crossly before throwing one of the floor pillows littering the room squarely at the confused face.

            "Muraki."

"Huh?"

"I wasn't talking about Tsuzuki."

* * *

It had been several months, and still, Tatsumi was disturbed enough to do anything but immerse himself more on his work. As long as his mind was consumed by his desire to increase their revenue, all those debit-credit whatnots... his mind is free from it's tormenting voices.

Day and night he slaved, toiling over sheets and poring over books, thinking of ways to save money for his department's extra allowances without hacking every single superior his shadows could find. He was about to close in on one particularly appealing idea when a sudden knock prompted a halt to his thoughts, and then vanishing to thin air. Cursing inwardly at whoever the hell it was banging on his door at such an ungodly hour, he got up and answered the offending knocks, offering his best scowling face – a scowl that faded instantly as he saw who was fidgeting at the door. 

Now this was unexpected. He was somehow sure that the one to disturb him was Tsuzuki, or Watari, or even Hisoka... but...

He blinked.

And blinked again.

"Terazuma-san?" He asked almost in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

Said boy was fidgeting; almost skittishly holding out a manila envelope – a fat one – to him, looking everywhere but straight at his eyes. "Uh... ohayo gozaimasu Tatsumi-san..." He said weakly. "Kanoe-kachou told me to give this to you... uh... the others... he said they were indispensable at the moment... whatever that means...."

Intrigued, Tatsumi took the package from Terazuma, careful not to let their skin touch. It wouldn't do well for the boy to faint dead from nervousness right in front of his office doorway. "Thank you Terazuma-san... I appreciate your efforts. You can go now."

As soon as those words escaped his mouth, the other bolted... an action that had particularly saddened him at that time. Was he that scary? Was his frightening visage the reason why nobody, except for his closest co-workers, would try to be close to him? He sighed, shaking his head as he closed the door silently. Slowly, he strode towards his executive chair and plopped heavily onto the well-used leather. He ripped the edge of the envelope carefully so as not to damage its contents and turned it over, letting the assortments of paper it contained to land unceremoniously on his cherry-wood table. 

He picked a stray pink-coloured slip and stared.

_No – this cannot be happening..._

He thought, his eyes turning wildly at the other pieces of paper littering his desk. He frantically picked up a piece of paper and let out a soft whimper.

It was an order for him to take up a mission. A soul defying the law of the house of candles...

Name...

"Mu... ra... ki..."

* * * * * * * *

TBC

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	2. Screams of the Haunted

TITLE: **This Side of Materialistic Heaven**

CHAPTER: **01**

GENRE: **Yaoi (Angst)**

DISCLAIMERS: **The series I'm referring to does not belong to me… ^_^ only the weird story does.**

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This Side of Materialistic Heaven 

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PART 01: Screams of the Haunted 

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            Tatsumi walked aimlessly through the country fields of the Japanese countryside. His eyes were staring determinedly at the grassy earth, completely oblivious to the majestic scenery passing him by... and the fact that he was alone in this natural paradise. All he could think about was that familiar face... those sparkling eyes... that beautifully curved mouth that had vowed never to possess someone else. He was captivated by the piercing gaze... enslaved by the fleeting touches... scorched by the flame of pure unadulterated passion. 

            He thought it would last... even with the distance stretching between them for only a few years. And then his personal god practically dumped him in favour of another... discarded like a deck of cards used for a round of strip poker.

            And now, he's hunting him down. 

            Before, it had been Tsuzuki doing the job, but somehow, the higher-ups realized that the illustrious secretary Tatsumi Seiichirou had been pulling strings in order for his co-workers to face his own menace, especially that one everybody's – well, ALMOST everybody's lusting on. He knew he needed to apologise to Tsuzuki, but he couldn't get the courage to do it. If the boy knew, everything, fragile as they were, would crumble... and he would lose another important person he had the pleasure of being acquainted with.

            He couldn't afford it. He was close to snapping, as it is... no use adding another source of agony... especially one so close to home.

            He sighed, still consumed by his painful thoughts, thinking of, as always, the past. The inescapable past he had the habit of reliving. He had found himself, like that particular time before, in deep murky waters. 

He was once again in trouble.

Only this time...

No one's going to rescue him.

* * *

            "Arigatou gozaimasu bishounen-sama!"

            "Lilin!" Came the gasp of the somewhat scandalized parent. "Oh, I'm sorry, sensei... she's just like that..."

            Muraki nodded graciously as he gave a little wave to the little girl grinning ear-to-ear at him. He had never felt more at ease than where he was at present. His work was doing fine, he was doing fine... and yet a little voice inside him was nagging to go back and surrender himself to the God of Death, Enma-daiou himself. It was probably guilt... guilt for every single act of atrociousness he had committed in the past... guilt that he had taken his own life, only to chicken out and run away from the numerous Shinigami probably on the prowl in search of his lost soul. 

            Guilt... that he had lost the guts to face **_Him_**.  

            Muraki shook his head as if to clear it... just as he had done these past few months. He had been re-evaluating himself recently... and found that he was absolutely lacking. 

            And if not for Oriya... he might have lost that one true emotion he had for just one person.

            He just did not know if he wanted to thank his best friend profusely... or to hack him off to pieces for reminding him. He had pushed the memories far back in his mind the moment he learned of the existence of Tsuzuki Asato... deliberately forgotten all those precious moments he somehow knew he would never trade for anything in the whole world – that is, when he was younger... when he was more impulsive and sympathetic.

            It had been a shock to him to catch the glimpse of **_Him_** before he abducted the violet-eyed Shinigami. 

            _I never thought it would come to this._

            He closed his eyes and pressed trembling fingers on his aching temple, leaning back on his plush leather chair, tilting his head back as if in complete agony. It hurt to even think about the past... but he could not help doing it... it was simply too vivid and too important for him to push back... just as he had learned the moment he had glimpsed a piece of his past in those shocked blue depths that horrible night of pure cannibalistic quality. That annoying girl's cries for help and the satisfying sight of her flesh torn by his shikigami's piercing teeth might have somewhat calmed him from being in a Tsuzuki-induced high... but then **_He_** had to come along and protect the snivelling man sitting crumpled on the fertile piece of earth. That moment, he was on high again... and he never came back down.

            _Damn you... Tatsumi..._

It was almost nighttime, and frankly, Muraki was getting restless, aware that he would not be safe from the prying senses of the unfortunate Shinigami probably combing the outskirts of the small town nearby. Shaking his head wearily, he stood up and turned off his desk lamp. Fleetingly, he wondered who would be sent to go and track him down. For sure it wouldn't be Tsuzuki, since he would probably still nursing some of the lingering wounds now... not Hisoka either... that boy would be too busy trying to calm his partner down. Maybe it was that overly happy blonde guy with shiny glasses. What was his name again?   

_"I saw Watari-san again today... he was with the boy and Blue Eyes, demanding I give them the key to your mad scientist lair..."_

Ah. Watari... right. Oriya revealed that while waking a sip of that horrendously disgusting tea he loved. Maybe it was Watari tracking him down... He understood from what Oriya told him that the blonde and Tatsumi were the best of friends... or so it seemed. Muraki felt an ache in his chest. He couldn't be hurt by that revelation, could he? After all, he shouldn't even feel things... he was supposed to be dead already, right? 

Sighing for the umpteenth time that day, he locked the door to the surgical room, and strode purposefully to the clinic door. After making sure that everything was secure, he turned, his main objective to go look for the place where he parked his car. Assuming that he left it somewhere behind one of the small parking lots in the suburban part of the countryside, he headed for the nearest familiar home and was about to knock when he saw something protruding from the tall brushes. It came to him with clinical alarm that that **something** was in actuality... a human arm.

Hastily discarding the intent to ask for the whereabouts of his car (he was being too forgetful these days...), his doctor's instincts took over and he hurried to where a potential patient lay, after all, contrary to everyone's belief... he wasn't **that** heartless. Heart pounding in his ears, he dragged the limp body to the clearing and checked the pulse. Assured that the person was alive, his eyes strayed to his patient's face... and his heartbeat stopped for a moment before pounding even faster than before. 

Blood washed over the perfect features, pale skin contrasting with the river of life gushing out from a mangled forehead... claw marks making their way down one smooth cheek. What Muraki couldn't understand was why this man was still bleeding. Shouldn't he be healed just moments after all of these wounds happened? Letting out a bated breath, he heaved the body in his arms, careful of the injuries, lest his patient had more – albeit incidental ones. He wouldn't dream of hurting him more than he had. 

As he thought before... he wasn't **that **completely heartless.

* * *

            _GROWL!_

_            He turned around in surprise. Two bears were in combat, and in the countryside, there were plenty of them. So lost was he in his thoughts that he did not notice that they had seen him... until it was too late. It was true that bears do not actually kill humans on purpose... however, given this situation, he knew that he was going to be a mangled something the moment the two great beasts were through with him. They were at the climax of their yearly mating ritual... they were fighting over a female in the small clearing he had just trespassed. And they thought him another competitor. They saw him as someone weak... if only they knew how right they were. _

_            He did not know what to do... didn't know where to go. He was still quite a long way from the nearest suburban community... in his weakened spiritual state, he couldn't even teleport. How pathetic could he be? All those ceaseless paperwork had made him too tired to recharge his batteries... and here he was, about to become an afternoon snack._

_            A wave of pure fear engulfed him. He couldn't move..._

_            He couldn't even defend himself as a huge grappling paw descended upon him._

_            Now, if only someone would come and help him..._

* * *

Muraki patiently swabbed a profusely sweating brow, trying to prevent the unwanted moisture from seeping into the bandages and infecting the almost lethal wounds. His uncovered eyes softened as the man he was nursing swished his head fitfully from side to side. 

            _He's dreaming about what had happened... whatever that is. How could he let himself be reduced to this?_ He thought sympathetically. He tilted his head slightly to the side, watching as momentary peace settled on the feverish features. Muraki couldn't help but smile, placing a warm hand on the damp cheek lovingly. He was not so surprised that the other leant to his hand, taking the warmth almost greedily, rubbing lightly with a small sound of pleasure. 

            The body stirred, and with enough experience, Muraki's eye caught signs of consciousness. Gently, he let his hand drop on the bedsheets and remained motionless, waiting for those magnificent eyes to open up and focus on their surroundings... waiting for them to focus on him, wanting to know how they would look like at the moment of recognition.

            And those beautiful eyes... they did not fail his expectations.

            They widened, almost to the point of popping as they focused on him... only on him. Inwardly, the doctor was quite satisfied. It had been sometime since anyone gave him their undivided attention. For once, he wished to know what was going on in the other's head, wanted to know the thoughts circling in around the overworked brain... needing to know the unvoiced opinion lying behind those crystal orbs. 

            Without warning, a smile wove into Muraki's features as he met the confounded stare directed at him.

            "Ohayo, Tatsumi."

* * *

            Honestly, the secretary did not know whether he was still dreaming or not. 

            Maybe he was, but a sudden pain on his forehead proved otherwise. He was awake from a dream of the past... and now, in the present, it was still haunting him. He was lying on a bed of sorts and staring up at the most beautiful sight in the world... and the most dangerous. 

            "Muraki...san..." He whispered almost inaudibly. He tried to get up from his weaker position, but was pushed gently back, prompting him to start protesting. But something in the doctor's eyes silenced him.

            Something he couldn't quite place...

            The same look he remembered years ago, but still did not know what it represents...

            That same look...

            "Tatsumi." He closed his eyes as his body shivered uncontrollably, the deep baritone made him want to melt... he felt disoriented. Kami-sama... if someone were to rescue him... why Muraki? Why **HIM**? A hand was touching his cheek... the same touch he yearned for all these time... the touch deliberately denied him for so long that he wanted to keep it, pounce on it the moment warm skin touched warm skin. "What happened?"

            For the life of him, he did not know what to say. 

            Tatsumi swallowed weakly, trying to make sense of everything. How could he possibly say that he was caught off-guard by a couple of sexually matured bears? Mauled by them even? How could he possibly explain the weakness of his body? That... even if he was a Shinigami, he now did not have the capacity of healing himself as fast as the others due to deliberate self-deprivation? How could he possibly tell this man to his face that he was reduced to this because of him?

            He couldn't say it! He did not have the heart to say it!

            His pride wouldn't let him... and it was devastating his soul. 

            "You nearly died... again." Muraki said softly, his hands still caressing the damp cheek. "I thought a Shinigami heals himself fast enough so as to prevent a second death? Tell me what happened... please."

            His words were not of a question. They were of a command. Tatsumi opened his eyes as he bristled from the acute twang of authoritativeness entwined with the seemingly deceptive tone. He stared at the silvery depths of the other's eyes and shook his head slightly.

            Muraki's brows furrowed. "Tatsumi... come on now, tell me what happened to get you in this state... at this rate, you're going to kill yourself..."

            "Why do you care?" Tatsumi was quite horrified at the immediate answer that he blurted out. Awkwardly, he ignored the other's shock and looked away from the penetrating gaze. "You never cared before."

            A frustrated sigh echoed in the brightly lit room. "Believe it or not, I do." The doctor shot back. "I feel responsible."

            Tatsumi turned his gaze back to him. "Why?"

            "Because somehow, I know that you came out of Ju-ou-cho just to seek me out... It's my fault that you've been out in the open and got attacked. I should've just come willingly to the land of the dead."

            Tatsumi was nonplussed. "It isn't your fault at all..." A tiny voice inside him rumbled at the words he was saying. "It's my job."

            "Yes, but if I hadn't done that..."

            "Muraki-san, look." Tatsumi said weakly, grimacing as pain shot through his bandaged side. "You've done a great many things to disturb the peace in my workplace. You didn't feel guilty about that. You didn't feel guilty about disrupting Tsuzuki-san and Hisoka-san's lives..." He was in a roll. "You did not feel guilty when you upset the balance of power whenever you unleash that magic you have... you never felt guilty for using m –"

            Tatsumi's eyes widened and he stopped his tirade heart pounding as he gazed helplessly at the pallid features hovering above him. He nearly let out his own resentments... his own sentiments... it was simply unforgivable. Blushing from his momentary emotional lapse, he turned away again, unable to gaze back with much fervour when the familiar eye became shadowed... guarded... and almost... sorrowful.

            "Gomen nasai... Muraki-san..." He whispered softly, squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for a destructive blow to tear his body open.

            It never came.

            What ensued though was something beyond his own comprehension...

            Muraki's warm hand cupped his uninjured cheek and turned his face that they were face to face... or at least that's what Tatsumi discovered when his eyes snapped open and met intense silvery gaze... Without warning, the doctor swooped down, his hair moving so finely in the air, and claimed his gaping lips.

            Tears welled up in troubled azure eyes, streaming down and wetting the chocolate-coloured strands of hair at the side of his head, wetting the fingers running through them, tangling through them with such soothing motions that Tatsumi felt more tears gush out of them.

            And then he heard a soft whisper as Muraki let up momentarily for a breath of clean air before plunging in again...

            "I'm sorry."

            And memories came rushing back.

* * *

TBC

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A/N: Thanks for the comments guys! I really appreciate them... *grins* I hope you all liked this part! Please don't forget to review! ^___^


	3. TATSUMI SEIICHIROU Reaching for the For...

TITLE: **This Side of Materialistic Heaven**

CHAPTER: **02 **

GENRE: **Yaoi (Angst)**

DISCLAIMERS: **The series I'm referring to does not belong to me… only the weird story does.**

NOTES: **Blah **or **_Blah _**is for emphasis. **_/Blah/_ **is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). _/Blah/_ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. _Blah _is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. XD).

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**This Side of Materialistic Heaven**

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**PART 02: TATSUMI SEIICHIROU - Reaching for the Forgotten Stars**

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"You made him that way."

"I guess..."

I eyed my current partner doubtfully before turning back to the lonely figure kneeling in complete desperation in front of a worn-out traditional epitaph amidst the steady pouring of the autumn rain. "He seems to love you... even with your peccadilloes..."

"I guess..." Came an almost distant reply. "But it cannot be helped."

"Indeed." I conceded. "I can sympathize with you on that aspect... but you seemed to have gone too far." I murmured thoughtfully, my eyes softening involuntarily at the pitiful state the person they were watching was at. The young man was completely drenched, aggravating the already soulless state his features were, and deep inside me, I knew it was something I did not want to see every single day.

I didn't have to accompany my partner in these types of ventures, but I couldn't seem to stay away... like something was pulling me towards the man whose name I had the misfortune to hear a thousand times before.

"Seiichirou-san..."

Snapped out of my reverie, I gazed confusedly at the younger Shinigami. "What is it?" I asked almost falteringly, mentally wincing at the sight of liquid tears streaming unheeded down pallid cheeks, golden hair quite matted to the narrow forehead, wetted by stray droplets of cold rain that had somehow gotten in the penumbra of the umbrella I was trying to hold on to, against the strong gusts of damp wind, protecting our heads.

He turned to me with a small smile on his face. "I am going to quit tomorrow..."

_EH? _Now I was taken aback. "Quitting?" I asked incredulously, feeling as if I was punched hard on the gut. It was the first time someone dumped me... it was always I who did the dumping in the past... and why now when I was so sure that we'd be partners for the whole of our stay being the Gods of Death? _I don't understand this at all..._ "Why?"

"This is my wish."

"Your wish?" Flabbergasted as I was, I wanted to congratulate myself for letting out even just a minuscule squeak of protest. _I don't like this... If he leaves me... I'll be... alone._

He nodded almost hesitantly, brushing away his tears. "I became a Shinigami to see my younger step-brother, Seiichirou-san. I wanted to protect him until he turns of legal age. And now that he is... I don't need to look out for him anymore. It becomes more painful as days pass slowly by..."

"..." Ah... so it came to this. Although the mere suggestion for me was too vile for words... I can never deny that I was not sympathetic of him. He was special to me, and whatever he was; I wanted to give him what he wanted most. After all, with the exception of Tsuzuki, this man was the best partner I ever had... and the longest too. We had been covering each other's backs for ten long years. And I felt that I owe him at least a single wish granted. "I see..."

"I'm sorry for disappointing you, Seiichirou-san. I know I'm being too selfish this way... but I cannot let pain consume me in the afterlife too. After all the suffering I had in my mortal life... being used and abused by my father... by my own mother... and trying to eliminate anyone who would cause me and my step-brother pain... and then finally deciding that before I die and leave everything behind, let my brother know cruelty... and what other people could do to him... Seiichirou-san... I cannot take it anymore... not then... not now. I am weak, Seiichirou-san... I am weak..."

My eyes were watering, and soon, tears stemming from something painful inside my soul blossomed, until the warm gush of salty trickles dripped furiously down... pouring out my own pain... joining the pain of my closest relation... and the only one good enough for me to call friend... in suffering.

I felt the handle of the umbrella slipping from my fingers, felt the icy tentacles of autumn reach out to us both... comforting... and reminding us of the ever-present pain... of regret as emotions remained un-washable by the pattering rivers of nature's tears. The gap was soon closed... and his frail arms closed in around my body, the shivering lump that was the man I had been with for ten long years clinging to me as if to alleviate the downpour's backlash... There was nothing I could do...

There was nothing I could do but to relent... to let go... and let him find his own peace... without the needy being that he was holding on to just as tightly. "I understand... there now... don't cry anymore... Be strong... for your own sake... and always remember..."

"Seiichirou-san..."

"You're not weak... Saki-san."

o o o

It was because of an unspoken promise that autumn day that I was saddled with the responsibility over looking after Saki's brother. I saw him through college, watched him excel in the best university money can buy... reveled in the fact that the young man became the best doctor in his line of expertise.

And somewhere along the lines, I felt as if he owned my heart.

Of course I might be mistaking it for something else, but one thing was for sure...

I had never felt this way before... even in my mortal life.

It was just my luck that I couldn't act on it.

All I could do was to watch him take his diploma from the university director... and wish him the best mortal life had to give.

"_Oi_, Tatsumi-san!"

I frowned, visibly irked. _What now?_ I thought crossly as I was interrupted from working on my precious financial statements for the umpteenth time... I glared as I raised my tired eyes and met golden irises. _Great, it's him_. It was none other than my division's scientist extraordinaire... the biggest money-spender.

"Oh, it's you... Watari-san."

He huffed, crossing his arms on his chest in what I thought of as annoyance. "Well, nice to see you too." He said quite snarkily. Then, like a bolt of lightning, his expression changed to that of pure cheerfulness... as if vying for a position in a cheerleading squad.

I shivered.

Watari was the only one who can do that creepy personality change... and frankly... he scared me sometimes.

As if reading my mind, he turned up the brightness of his smile a notch.

_Okay. He scares me all the time._

"_NE_, TATSUMI-SAN!" He crowed, making me cringe. Inwardly, I groaned. _Don't tell me you're asking for a salary raise again! If you are, I swear I'm going to feed you to the shadows... _

"I HEARD YOU GOT PROMOTED!"

Okay, so he isn't asking for a raise... but still... does he have to screech out perkily like that? I sighed, cursing Tsuzuki for being blessed with an unstoppable mouth. Once he overheard the news, 'accidentally' as he put it, he blabbed everything to anyone within reach... every two minutes between eating his precious candy and taking short naps during work.

"I gather Tsuzuki-san told you that." I said, trying to control my temper.

Watari nodded enthusiastically, his mop of silky hair bobbing up and down as he moved... in time with the laughter that trickled out of his jovial mouth. I couldn't help shivering involuntarily. _Man, this guy's creepy sometimes...._ The stunted owl _(Well, it is kind of small for an owl...) _perched on his clothed shoulder hooted as if on cue. I shivered yet again.

_It's certified... he's definitely creepy ALL the time..._

"Sooo...." Came my tormentor's wheedling tone of voice. "When and where is the celebration?" He grinned, taking off his glasses and cleaning them off on one of the lapels of his white lab coat, revealing sparkling golden irises staring expectantly at me.

I leveled him with the most evil glare I could manage. "There is no celebration, Watari-san." I enunciated... slowly, just to make sure my point got across – all to no avail.

All I got was a pair of confused eyes... and an arching mouth resembling that of the famed Rainbow Bridge. "But why?" Watari asked, his eyes watering slightly I was not quite sure if they were true of just faked. After all, he faked tears most of the time to get the former budget director of this division to give him what he wanted a number of times before... "You got promoted... no one gets promoted much around here... and by Enma-daiou too!"

If I was not mistaken, there was much awe in the way the scientist said those words... and believe it or not, my heart clenched upon hearing them. It was the same way Saki had spoken to me before... after cracking their past missions... and the way Saki's little brother spoke when faced with something awesome during in his freshman year in college.

Saki's little brother.

Pain shot through the remaining parts of my exhausted heart.

I was a man who kept promises... and even with the promotion for doing my job well... I couldn't quite get the strength to celebrate.

I had lost him.

I lost him. It wasn't technically my fault, I think. When time came to give him a little visit, he just wasn't there anymore... but all the same, I couldn't help thinking that it was. I willingly took responsibility for it... _and then the promotion came directly after the incident.._. _I don't feel worthy of such honor... If I ever saw Saki again... I'm sure I would be crying tears of blood by the time he forgives me – If he would forgive me._

Watari's face appeared directly in front of me, golden eyes peering into mine. I was surprised yet again. We were face to face... glasses to glasses... eye to eye...

"TATSUMI-SAN!"

And the darned scientist decided it was the best time to scream out loud to the point of breaking one's eardrums.

"WAH!" It was all I could do not to scamper away from the room. I just screamed back, backing away and promptly falling from my chair _(It was a graceful landing, by the way)_, scooting away from the self-proclaimed genius beaming at me, proud even, for making me, THE untouchable Tatsumi Seiichirou cry out in complete terror.

"You weren't listening to me! You didn't answer my question!" The blonde flipped back his long tresses almost haughtily, glaring at me with all his might.

"W-what question?" I wanted to sock myself for letting my voice quiver like that, waiting for the right moment to go melt in a puddle on the floor from absolute embarrassment whenever he decided to blackmail me about it.

I was fortunate enough that he did not notice my momentary lapse of pure weakness.

"I asked why you didn't want to have a celebration." He raised a questioning brow as I stood up and dusted my suit back to its glorious impeccability. "You zoned out on me back there. If I did not know any better, I would say that the spirit of the one who died this morning possessed you, or something.

My ears perked up. I stared at him. "Watari-san... what did you just say?"

He cocked his head to one side, eyes full of curiosity. "What, about the part where I was groveling about you not answering my question?"

"No, the other one."

"Oh, about the spirit... what about it? Do you know anything about it?" He asked, then, immediately smacked his head in complete self-disgust, his owl screeching away from him even before he did the act. _That bird sure knew him well_. "WAH! I forgot! You didn't know coz you're in the ceremony, duh!" He smacked his head several times more before shaking his head and turning back to me. "I'm so sorry."

"It's alright... just tell me all about the one who died this morning..." I pressed, motioning for him to sit down as I leaned on a peach-colored wall. "What happened?"

"Someone got his car crashed... his name was immediately erased from the book of the living, but the flame of his candle still burned... We don't really know how that happened, but it's there... and now, we're trying to find him... I heard Konoe-kachou was preparing the list of people to consider taking the case and – Tatsumi?"

I must have paled too much, since he was trying to fan me awake with one of the manila envelopes on my desk. I was completely jarred... right to the marrow of my black bones. Could it be? "Uh... I'm sorry, I'm fine... please go on, Watari-san..."

"Oh... Okay." He said, completely unconvinced, but continued anyway. "Konoe-kachou was preparing the list of people he would consider to take the case if no one volunteers... Heck, as of now, no one applied... even me. For my part, I'm just too creeped out by it... I'd gladly pass it up for another case any day." He finished with a flourish.

I wanted to bolt and rush towards the office of my boss, but my feet were stuck to the carpeted floor.

"A name, Watari-san." I whispered almost inaudibly.

"Huh?"

"A name... what is the man's name?"

Watari stilled, his eyes had the faraway look of someone in deep thought. Suddenly, the twin golden orbs were alive again.

"Ah, I remember!" He crowed happy at such small accomplishment.

"What is it?"

"It's Saki-chan's otouto... Muraki Kazutaka.

o o o

"Are you sure you're fine handling this case by yourself? Remember, you only need learn where he is and what happened to him. Technically he isn't dead yet."

I bowed low, butterflies announcing their need to get out of my tummy as I did. "I understand, Kanoe-kachou. I won't fail you."

"Good, you can go now, spend all you want. It's a special case."

"Arigatou gozaimasu."

o o o

"There's something really weird about this report."

I turned to the younger Gushoushin. "What report?" I asked with acute interest. Muraki Kazutaka's body had been cremated and laid to rest in one of the Christian cemeteries in Kyoto... so why is it that his candle still burns?"

"Maybe it was not his body that was cremated, maybe a dummy or something." I rationalized, hoping that I was right. Although my reasons for hoping so were more twisted. I wanted him alive. I wanted to see the man I had been attached to for many years alive... well... and still beautiful as before. I felt something pierce my chest. Maybe it was guilt... that I was not doing my job correctly. Maybe... maybe...

"And another thing... Saki-kun's body... it's confirmed to be lost as well. It was supposed to be preserved in their basement laboratory, but it's gone now... just this morning!"

Shocked, I stood up abruptly from my chair. "What did you say?" I asked incredulously. How did that happen? What happened to Saki-kun?"

"Tatsumi!" The door to the library banged open so suddenly that the three of us almost jumped out of our skins. It was Watari... and he was uncharacteristically... **_green_**.

"Watari-san! Don't do that!" The older Gushoushin cried out, beak slightly chattering as he did.

Watari ignored him. "Tatsumi... it's Saki-kun!"

"What happened to Saki?" I asked, dread creeping into my stomach. "His soul vanished. They couldn't find him! I thought that maybe something wrong happened to his earthly body, but I know for a fact that it has been buried in his family's crypt..."

This was too much. The world was swaying... I can't understand any of this. For the first time in my life, I was at a loss.

For the first time in my life... I did not know what to do.

* * *

**TSUZUKU**

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A/N: Got through the second chapter! Reviews people!


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